LYRIC: I Will Look Back on This Fondly

Terrified, I clambered over ancient ruins

Rushing sights

Other people wait a lifetime just to see

Counting down the days

I took photographs 

And wished for home

Always thinking of tomorrow, 

I miss out on today

I will look back on this fondly

Even if now I am crippled by fear

Retrospect: the only joy I’ll ever see

When your own mind is your worst enemy

I miss the live show of the best days of my life 

But catch up with them later, on demand

Viewed from a safe distance

I confront anxiety with its false narrative

But in the amnesia of tomorrow

The lesson fades

I will look back on this fondly

Even if now I am crippled by fear

Retrospect: the only joy I’ll ever see

When my own mind is my worst enemy

That sinking feeling in my stomach instead of butterflies

Instead of looking forward I begin to catastrophize 

Wherever I am I am always locked up trapped inside my head

My fingers reach and brush against the key

This does not have to be my destiny

The airplane is hot with expectation

people breathing out 

Summer hopes into a flying metal box

Reminding us there are some laws of nature 

We can overcome

Even when they seem to be so permanent  

We can overcome

LYRIC: Temporary

There’s only so many times that I can whine that it’s unfair

When there’s nothing I can do to make things better

There’s only so many kinds of heart-break that I can take

Before my heart gets broken down forever

There’s only so many goals that I can watch just disappear

As time marches on not concerned or caring

There’s only so many tolls that I can pay for my mistakes

Without feeling something inside me start tearing

There will be days when you can’t go on

There will be times when everything goes wrong

There will be moments when the pain’s too much

There will be times when hope seems so far away

There’s only so many games that I can be bothered to play

When I know the rules are stacked against my favour

There’s only so many pains that I can take before I die

And I know there is no ever-loving Saviour

There’s only so many fights that I can give a damn to win

Before the sense of loss starts feeling like a habit

There’s only so many nights that I can sit up asking why

There’s something that I need and I don’t have it

There will be days when you can’t go on

There will be times when everything goes wrong

There will be moments when the pain’s too much

There will be times when hope seems so far away

But it’s not always like that, and all the things that seem so bleak

Are only temporary

Though the hurt can weigh you down, don’t forget these open wounds

Are only temporary

When the world sees like too much and cynicism is all you know

It’s only temporary

There’s only so many times that I can whine that it’s unfair

Before whining loses all justification

There’s only so many crimes against my heart that I can bear

Before laughter takes the place of devastation

There’s only so many days that I can wish that I were dead

Before I’m overwhelmed by stunning revelation

That there are so many ways that I can change the way things are

If I recognise and avoid this stagnation

There will be days when you can’t go on

There will be times when everything goes wrong

There will be moments when the pain’s too much

There will be times when hope seems so far away

But it’s OK!

LYRIC: Anti-Me World

You do things that I think are stupid

I hate the way you’re all the same

Your ideas are the same as each others’

Your unoriginality is lame

Anti-me world makes me wanna hurl

I’m trapped in this place

If I don’t get out today I’ll get out another way

But deep down I know there’s no escape

From this Anti-Me World

Nothing is right for me, everything is wrong for me

And you can call me crazy

Just because I do things that are different to the norm

Why is this world so Anti-Me?

Anti-me world makes me wanna hurl

I’m trapped in this place

If I don’t get out today I’ll get out another way

But deep down I know there’s no escape

From this Anti-Me World

What you all do today just ain’t what I like

Infact to tell you the truth you’ve ruined my life

Won’t leave me alone and let me get on my way

Tease me call me crazy, weird, strange, and insane

You lot are ignorant you haven’t got a clue

My world is fine as long as I’m

Excluded from you

Be the same as everyone and meanwhile I shall

Continue in my struggle to be original

But this you won’t allow

In your Anti-Me world

Anti-me world makes me wanna hurl

I’m trapped in this place

If I don’t get out today I’ll get out another way

But deep down I know there’s no escape

From this Anti-Me World

Lyric: Entrapment of the Flesh

Imagine a world cleansed of hate and fear where every view is listened to with an open ear,

Opression and greed no longer exist and there are no more laws just anarchists

Humanity finally decides to stop hating each other and create good lives

Anarchy not a vision or deluded dream, everyone gets along and the world is serene

But in this utopia our problems still won’t end

With human bodies wearing us we’ll still be slaves

To germs, bacteria, disease and illnesses that kill…

That’s it!  You’re sick!  And you’ll never be free in your human body!

Because when oppression is gone and we’re living in freedom, there’ll still be the chance of the flu…

That’s it!

Slave to the body even when the mind is free, try bucking the system when you’ve got the big C,

Plot the revolution to smash the state, put it in action with a raging headache!

Scientists are working on the perfect germ bomb

Lesson wasn’t learnt with AIDS that man cannot control disease and if he tries

He dies!

That’s it!  You’re sick!  And you’ll never be free in your human body!

Because when oppression is gone and we’re living in freedom, there’ll still be the chance of the flu…

That’s it!

Disease will sneak up on you stealthier than a government spook

There is no cure for sickness cuz you need the symptoms first to get your pills!

That’s it!  You’re sick!  And you’ll never be free in your human body!

Because when oppression is gone and we’re living in freedom, there’ll still be the chance of the flu…

That’s it!

LYRIC: Reality Casualty

He woke at six as normal

Put on a face as normal

He went to work as normal

Smiled at colleagues as normal

His misery a hidden part of him

Until they found his hanging body

She went to Joy’s as normal

Coffee and chat as normal

Left at two as normal

Back to her home as normal

Threw her two kids to their deaths and then followed them out the window

Of their twelfth floor apartment

They lived their lives as normal

Saw all their friends as normal

Picked up the kid as normal

Gave him his tea as normal

Then went upstairs and shot themselves to death

Found by their six year old child

Just another reality casualty

Another case of this life’s misery

One person every hour and a half 

Give up on this life

Why

So many fed up with this 

Life

So many going without

Help

Are our goals really what we need or just false lies from which we bleed?

He went to school as normal

Got pushed around as normal

Cried all alone as normal

Left at four as normal

A school tie was the substance of his noose

It’s getting them early now

LYRIC: Another Day, Another Worry

I see others breeze through life in a way which seems so alien to me

Unburdened by the weight of their days darkened by anxiety

Never knowing what it’s like to not feel normal in a crowd

Undisturbed by nagging voices planting concerns oh-so-loud

It’s like a war is going on but the only soldier fighting’s me

And no-one else who shares my flag can even see there is an enemy

The main collateral damage is my day-to-day sanity

“The price, we think, ain’t worth it”, says a grimly smiling Secretary

“This war will be a long war and we cannot see an end in sight,

It may well be that in your life a day won’t pass free from this fight.”

Another day, another worry

I’m not recovering in a hurry

They say it takes time but I’m having doubts

How much time before my time runs out?

When I was a kid they used to say I was the serious one

Always picking problems where the other kids were having fun

Get these ideas in my head that I just couldn’t seem to shake

But I learnt early that a smile was a thing people liked it if I faked

Familiar feelings of a heart crank-speeding in my chest

Constricted throat, no breath, my hands and face encased in sweat

I’d look around for help but knew no help I’d ever get

External weapons could make no contact with this internal threat

And so I learned to cope by learning that I probably never would

And that the sort of life which others had was something that I never could

Yeah, I would never never know a day that would be footloose and fancy-free

I would never know a day I would be free from my anxiety

Another day, another worry

I’m not recovering in a hurry

They say it takes time but I’m having doubts

How much time before my time runs out?

I suppose at this point we should start talking about meds

The use of chemicals to put right problems in our heads

The kind you get from doctors and the kinds they cannot give

The drugs that ease the pressure and restore the will to live

Except I never took a thing, and I probably never will

Not that I have anything against those who try to get help from a pill

It’s just a code I arbitrarily imposed — maybe once there was a reason but now who the hell knows?

That I wouldn’t put those poisons in my veins or up my nose

Couldn’t see a reason to add addiction to my growing list of woes

Some tell me I’m straightedge because I’m scared of losing grip

Others tell me that I seek control and a life I can predict

Me, I think it has to do with drunken people being dicks

But it could be emetophobia and my fear of being sick?

Most likely its my dad and all the harm I saw it do

But it’s also got to do with what is false and what is true

Because I could achieve synthetically the state I’m looking for

But to get better authentically would mean a whole lot more

Another day, another worry

I’m not recovering in a hurry

They say it takes time but I’m having doubts

How much time before my time runs out?

Did I bring it on myself or is it in genetic code?

Was it the way they brought me up or did I do it on my own?

Always fearing for the worst and seeing clouds in silver linings

Seeing everything will fall apart with a clarity that’s blinding

Thinking about those origins – the problem in another form

Anxiety about anxiety: was it made or was it born?

The fact is, it doesn’t matter how it came but that it’s here

And I’m sick of every day filled with a litany of fear

But the alternative is worse so I dig in and persevere

Because although I’m terrified I’m still glad that I am still here

Cuz I refuse to be held prisoner by some voices in my head

And I’ll perform my prison break each day I rise up from my bed

I’m not convinced I have discovered yet the key to set me free

But I keep picking at the lock to escape each day’s anxiety

And I feel good about my chances as the battle rages on

And I will conquer every day until my last tomorrow’s come

LYRIC: Only Dying

The message comes in morning mail

The envelope is thin and pale

A single page is all it holds

But even so your blood runs cold

There’s no runnin’

There’s no hidin’

There’s no delayin’

Don’t bother tryin’

And there’s no runnin’

There’s no hidin’

There’s no delayin’

There’s only dyin’

A doctor’s name and then a date

The tests that will decide your fate

The thing you hoped would go away

Has just grown strong while you delayed

God’s non-existence, though displayed

You think it might be time you prayed

Dear father who art in heaven

And mother who art there too

You died too young, and left me shaken

I count the hours, till I’m with you

It’s not a way to live your days

One foot inside an early grave

But grief has scarred and left its mark

So happy days dim into dark

There’s no runnin’

There’s no hidin’

There’s no delayin’

Don’t bother tryin’

And there’s no runnin’

There’s no hidin’

There’s no delayin’

There’s only dyin’

Got too good at writing eulogies

Thinking about terminal disease

They tell me it will all be fine

Routine procedure, happens all the time

But they said the same to dad and mom

And moments later both were gone

There’s no runnin’

There’s no hidin’

There’s no delayin’

Don’t bother tryin’

And there’s no runnin’

There’s no hidin’

There’s no delayin’

There’s only dyin’

I barely sleep, as dreams are plagued

A hundred diagnoses made

And when I wake I sit and shake

And pray the nurse my blood to take

Another night staring at the clock

Another night wondering what I’ve got

Dear institution founded by Nye Bevan

Hallowed be thy name

Thy will is being undone by conservative scum

And I fear we’re all gonna die in great pain

Am I terrified of finding out

Or am I terrified of losing doubt

The day draws near and time will tell

If I’m ill or if I’m well

 And there’s no runnin’

There’s no hidin’

There’s no delayin’

Don’t bother tryin’

And there’s no runnin’

There’s no hidin’

There’s no delayin’

There’s only dyin’

 The message came in morning mail

The envelope was thin and pale

I clasped it like the holy grail

Results inside, end of the trail

I felt my body getting frail

My fingers twitched my breath was stale

Will I pass or will I fail?

The message came in morning mail